How Slow Can You Go

If you’ve been following my new blog, then you know that it started with a bang that has been center stage in my life for the past three months:

I Lost the Majority of My Life Savings

One of the first things I wrote in that article and one of the motivations for sharing my story is that I said how I refuse to let what happened to me break my spirit.

More specifically, I said:

“One reason I want to share my story is to offer support -and learn from- people who are looking for ways to stay open. That even when things happen in your life that leave you feeling where that is close to impossible, you know in your heart that building even more ways to cultivate trust and love is the way to go.

Let that which hurts and confuses and which first creates doubt and worry, become something that strengthens, opens us up, and acts as a source of positivity and growth. Let the channels be established for release to happen and let’s make choices every day that help to facilitate that release. Let the lessons learned be of use to others.”

In today’s post I want to share some of my process for how I’ve been doing that. My hope is that by letting you in, there can be something to offer on your own healing journey.

I also want to state that as I write these words, I realize just how much this is still a work in progress.

I feel tender, I feel like it is a challenge to write and find the words to share today and doing so is bringing up a lot of pain and discomfort.

I also think that is a good thing.

Better that I be aware of the pain I carry, than have it buried deep inside, only to manifest in my life in some other way down the road as disease, or in difficulties building intimacy.

For those just getting to know me…

A little back story is that I have been teaching and giving Thai Yoga Massage for over 20 years.

This is a massage built on a foundation of mindfulness, loving kindness and compassion and turning those abstract qualities into a practical system of giving and receiving. As a result, you get to use your whole body to create a massage experience that combines deep tissue release, customized yoga stretches and energy movement.

By definition what I teach is that an amazing Thai Massage is at least as good to give as it is to receive. And in all honesty, people who receive these sessions often say that it is one of the greatest experiences of their life.

Very early on in my career I came up with a guiding principle that I call the secret to giving an incredible massage that helps you to have these kinds of high-quality results.

It is one sentence which is, “how slow can you go, how high can you fly”.

That one principle is the reason I started my own school back in 2011. I wanted to teach it and make it the central tenet of all that I do. Not only in massage, but in life.

What it means in a nutshell if that the more you slow down (and go at the opposite speed that life so often demands of us), the better it’s going to be. And even as you speed up your massage and your life, from the inside out, you maintain a heightened degree of awareness and insight.  

Slowing down helps you to cultivate your ability to listen, notice and pay attention deeply. It helps you to be a better communicator with your partner and do things in a way that is safe and effective. It helps you to stay curious and become aware of that which you would otherwise miss.

The more I’ve taught this principle to my students, the more it’s come back to me just how often they end up using it throughout their day. When doing the dishes, when working with colleagues at work, when making love, and in countless other ways.

As a result, on the day I realized that I had lost the majority of my life savings and felt a kind of pain that I had never felt before, that is the guiding principle I decided to turn to as my compass.

The way I am doing that is very simple. It is by asking the question: what does it mean to slow down? And as I do that, I might listen for a follow up question. What is there to notice? What is there to learn?

In those first few days I was in a state of shock. The shame, hurt and anger felt monumental.

And part of the answer to my question of what it means to slow down means needing to feel it.

Rather than avoid the pain, I need to make space to honor the time it takes for that pain to be felt. What’s more, it’s not up to “me”, or at least my conscious mind to decide how much time is needed.

That’s out of my control. What is in my control is not pushing it away when that pain, that heaviness, those emotions arise, like they are as I write these words.

Instead, my intention and my relationship to those moments- to the best of my abilities- is to feel the hurt, be with the pain and do so without being a martyr.

It’s a fine line

I don’t want to be defined by my pain and I don’t want my pain to define me. Otherwise, I might be setting myself up for a lifetime of pain.

At the same time, these events can lead to a lifetime of pain if I deny that I’m in pain.

As a result, part of the purpose of slowing down is that it helps you to feel it and also to be vigilant.

There will come a time when I am ready to completely turn the page. Where my body has processed the pain, the lessons have hopefully been learned and the initial event can be released.

In the meanwhile Slowing Down Helps Me to Listen

Listening, and dedicating my time to become a devoted listener is something I am forever grateful for and something I know is a life-long process.

It’s one of the great gifts of giving a massage that I always aim to make at least as good for me when I give as it is for the person who receives it.

In this instance one of the great ways that dedication is supporting me is to recognize that fine line.

For example, even though I mention wanting to be ok with feeling the discomfort of being in pain, I also know there is a limit to how much pain I am able to feel.

When it’s too much, as it certainly was in those first few days, then I need to give myself permission to indulge, distract, look away. Eat comfort foods, watch whatever shows feel good, you name it. And let me do it with a feeling of self-love.

Being a vigilant listener though also helps me to keep my attention on the bigger purpose of healing.

The comforting distractions can only serve me for so long. There’s that fine line again.

So when I can, I come back to writing, to yoga, to moving my body, to sharing my story, to cooking, to playing sports, to the healthy choices that I know provide long-term care and support.

Every day this process repeats itself.

Trust the process and surrender the outcome

What I have noticed as I reflect on these past three months is that I am resilient. I do feel a heck of a lot better than those first few days.

My smile has returned.

The burden is lifting.

I am not out of the woods. Not by a long shot.

And my observation is that while I am here healing from this one event, I am now in a place where I can ask myself what else do I have stored inside that I can call up to the surface.

What other kinds of old pain might be in me that I didn’t know was still there?

Can releasing those pains help lead to new opportunities?

Let that be one of the positives of these days. Because I know the answer is yes. I know that the same process of refinement that helps me to be a better massage teacher and practitioner, helps me to be a better human. To myself and to my loved ones and my community.

That is the power of “how slow can you go, how high can you fly."

If those words resonate with you and you want to use it in your life, to begin, I invite you to sit with them. Visualize the sentence and ask yourself what it means to you and how you can invite it into your life.

Stay curious and available.

One Song on My Playlist

In the meanwhile, one song that I keep coming back to is Nightbirde’s “It’s Ok”. So I She was a participant on America’s Got Talent while living with terminal cancer and I highly recommend checking her out:

If you would like to help on this rebuilding journey…

Support can come in many ways and I am grateful, honored and humbled by it all. Some of those ways include:

• Like this article and drop a line in the comments. If you have questions, I will do my best to answer them

• Subscribe to this newsletter and consider becoming a paid subscriber

• Contribute to the GoFund Me I’ve started. It will help pay for some big expenses that are coming up and to help with the rebuild. I am self-employed. Teaching and giving Thai Yoga Massage are how I make a living. It all helps.

• Sharing this story

• Offering love and support to yourself and people in your life whenever possible. Let the love flow!